Lost Little Bee  by  Raquel Lake

I am the lost little bee. A lost little bee, buzzing about searching the big wide world, for a place for us to be. I am lost on purpose. Even though I am lost and alone, I am equipped to be that way, safely lost safely alone. It has to be that way. I am lost, I am alone and that is my job. Lost until I find what must be found. Lost, but I am now lonely too. It has been just me, for three long days now. Three long days alone, just me. No other bees, no other buzzes. I assumed I would get use to the loneliness, by now. Yet I am still not accustomed. Each day begins and ends the same. Me and just me buzzing, searching. I knew this mission would be long and quiet. I knew there would be periods when I would be ready to go back and return to the swarm. That I had anticipated. At least that, I was told. I simply never counted on the mind numbing solitude of this mission. A life of solitary confinement. I feel I am caged, by my aloneness. Everyday I fly about looking high and low. Here, there, wherever, searching for a good place to call home. A new home for us and most importantly, for  our queen. A place where we can start over and begin again. A hive for the swarm to rest in. I will be successful, because I must. But oh, how my ears burn everyday longing to hear the hum of the swarm. That would be honey to my ears. My eyes too yearn to see my fellows in flight. What will it sound like to hear another bee buzz again. What will I feel when back with my kind.

Lost little bees, we are a rare breed. We travel alone to faraway places in order to discover where we shall make our new home. We go ahead to ensure safety for the swarm. To guide a certain and well carved out path. We must forge ahead in the face of things that most would not be able to stomach. Long hours, cold nights, quiet and the alone. A lost little bee must make a decision that will impact the whole. So lost little bees must be bold, unflinching and unafraid. Lost little bees are picked because we are stronger. You have to be, in order to survive on your own. They call us lost because we wander about with  no real direction, plan, or map. Only a goal. We are given no guidance from our all knowing queen on how to achieve it. We are sent out to find home, for the swarm. Who without a hive to call home will suffer. A lost little bee goes on this solo mission because only one can be spared. Each lost little bee is only lost once. It is not a job that is repeated, because it is too taxing. We bees all have our job, have our purpose. Our way is efficient.? I am the lost one, lost and alone with my thoughts. Alone with myself. Alone all the time. They say we are bred special. They say we are equipped with all we need to get through our journey of one. I need less water, less nectar, less sleep and have less of a need to be with others. I once believed this all to be true. Now as I approach the last leg of my journey, I no longer think this is so. I think everyday how I left family,  I left my friends, willingly. I with great ambition agreed to go off alone.  I assumed that with this great sacrifice, I would be remembered, applauded, revered. I see now, all that ambition may be the death of me. Life is not solely about the mark you leave in this world or the work you do. It is also about how you lived your life. Who you loved and who loved you.

I must continue, I must go on…. I have been buzzing ahead leaving markers as I go.  Leading the way. I have met no one and no one has met me. Just a little further and then I my task will be over. But what will it be like to return to the swarm? To return home. Will much have changed? I have. I have changed so much, in every way. Equipped to be on my own, to need only me. I am now self reliant and accustomed to making my own rules. Can I go back to being just a bee? Will I be able to relate to others anymore? I hope that I have not lost myself. I hope that I don’t remain the lost little bee when I am found.

RaquelL Copyright 2016